He left!!!!

I'm am learning, I'm always learning, I'm willing to unlearn and relearn so I can understand. This is quite necessary for the changing world and this generation of children.

Misunderstanding someone can lead to resentment, unnecessary pain and heartaches, and untouched emotions one never even knew they had. Sometimes it's not worth explaining your actions or intentions, but if you truly care about someone, it is important to clarify both spoken and unspoken words.

He left….Well I spoke in my Jamaican sometimes harsh tongue 👅. "Obey my rules or leave!!!! Usually they don’t leave, the humble themselves and pull up their socks….But he left!!!!

He's different….different from my other boys born in 1990 and 2001. Different because he is Black and Hispanic, different because he is trying to understand the harsh existence he was handed, and nobody seem to be able to explain what the heck happened. He doesn’t believe that there is someone protecting him from harm so you better not mention the guy Jesus. He's different because he thinks he doesn't quite fit in with my family with mostly dark skinned people. He's different because, well he takes most things literally and he says exactly what comes to his mind…exactly!!!!! He thinks it’s intoxicating that one has so much dominion over another. He’s different…

He left... at first I talked myself into not caring because….." buoy no have no mannas ah want him own way, a wah him take this thing fah?"

Day 2….Jesas Crise, a weh the buoy deh? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I felt like I failed him, I felt conquered, I felt weak... this with my other two boys home at the same time displaying respect, kindness, obedience even as adults. I smiled at them, while my heart pained for the other child. Maybe my parenting skills are getting old and worn out like the high school paper with the CXC results that have turned yellow and faded. I need refresher courses, I need the manual for raising boys in this era, I need some more aunties, updated aunties, not the ones as old as me with the same parenting skills.

He left…..but he showed up at school, I hadn't seen him in two days, I don't know where he was, who he was with, what he was doing... but I was there with him, I was scared for him, I was wondering if my parents didn't love me...I became the little lost girl again and so I felt his pain.

I got to school, I hugged him, I kissed him...I told him I loved him.. I asked him what he wanted and he said.....

"I want to come back home."

He returned……